After the Pain Read online

  Even though we just spent the night doing this exact same thing, this moment right now, feels like our very first time together. The difference makes me realize I don’t ever want to go back to questioning if this is the right time to be together. I’m certain this is right because I love feeling our intense connection.

  After we finish adoring each other, we both doze off and it’s the most satisfying sleep I’ve had in a very long time. I have my man and his heart to keep me content. I didn’t imagine last night would go the way it did, but in the end, I feel better than I have in a very long time. I’m actually one hundred percent ready for this.

  The next couple weeks are smooth sailing for Sean and me. I’m still floating around with my head in the clouds, swept up in my new relationship high. I feel lighter and less tense having Sean by my side offering his full support anytime I need it. I even look forward to doing simple things like making dinner together or running errands and those things usually annoy the hell out of me. I’m not a great cook by any means; thankfully Sean can whip up something delicious at the drop of a hat. He told me his Grandma taught him how to cook. I need to thank her for teaching Sean how to spoil me with his culinary expertise.

  Sadly, the past few days we haven’t had an abundance of time together since I picked up a few extra shifts at work making my already long days in the ER even longer. Amie and her husband went to Florida for a week to get away and recharge their batteries. Considering I’d love to do the very same thing, I couldn’t tell her no when she asked me to pick up her shifts. She just may have to do the same for me someday soon. Sean and I were just talking about taking a trip together; we just can’t decide where we want to go. He wants it to be perfect while I just want to go away no matter where it may be. I’m not hard to please. If the hotel has a pool, I’m a happy girl.

  Sean is constantly worried I’m working too many hours and told me I’m going to burn myself out if I’m not careful. I told him it’s just this once for Amie, but now I know he was exactly right. My feet and back are killing me from standing for twelve hours a day; I’m tired and just feel like garbage. My throat feels like I swallowed nails and I smell like a Halls cough drop. After I finish my shift tonight, I’m going home and falling directly into my bed. Sean’s expecting me at his house but I’ll have to text him to reschedule our celebratory dinner for tonight. He’s moving up the career ladder within the hospital and with his newly completed credits; is now a licensed psychologist. I’m unbelievably proud of him for achieving his goal all while working a full time job and being a pretty amazing boyfriend. I’m having a hard enough time just managing my job let alone juggling classes and a social life on top of that.

  I struggle terribly through another two hours of work before I start feeling even worse. Dr. Morris is kind enough to check me out before I head home for the night. One of the perks of being a nurse is not only being able to read my own body, but having others at my side to give me a quick diagnosis. I still go to my regular doctor, but in moments like these, I need relief quickly.

  Sure enough, Dr. Morris tells me I have strep throat along with a fever. I feel sorry for all the patients I do the rapid strep testing on. My gag reflex was highly pissed off by that long ass cotton swab she jammed back my throat. When she’s finished I run to the locker room to gulp down some cold water so I stop hacking. I collect my purse and take my prescription to the pharmacy. The sooner I start the antibiotic, the sooner I can feel some relief. I’d bet a million bucks the gentleman who kept kissing my hand the other day, thanking me for taking such good care of him, passed this on to me. Soap and water can only wash away so many germs while the others still manage to invade.

  As I trudge down the hospital hallway feeling like yesterday’s trash, I’m sad I have to cancel my dinner plans with Sean. I send him a short text letting him know I’m not feeling well and to call me later. Now I’m both sick and bummed I won’t get to fall asleep in his bed tonight. I’ve been having the best night’s sleep when I’m next to him.

  I can’t even sing on my way home my throat is so sore. Singing in the car is where I have some of my best performances - the shower being a close second thanks to the acoustics in the bathroom. Either that or I’m tone deaf.

  I don’t even bothering turning any lights on when I get home. My head is pounding, my stomach is churning and I’m freezing. I’m so tired I have to sit down on the edge of the tub to shower the grossness of the ER off my body. There’s no way I’m climbing into my bed with all those germs lingering on my skin. The hot steam warms me up a little too. I let the water run down my face, and feel my sinuses slowly opening up. Again, I skip the singing.

  Once I finish showering, I put on a few layers along with my warmest sweatpants and sweatshirt before pulling the covers almost entirely over my head. My shivering body is making my teeth chatter. Just as I close my eyes I hear the front door open. I told Sean not to come over with me being sick, but the stubborn man obviously didn’t listen. The house is dark so he should know where to find me.

  “Hallie? Whoa, shit.”

  I hear him trip up the stairs and feel bad I didn’t leave a light on for him just in case he decided to stop by.

  “Hallie, are you asleep?” Sean whispers from the side of my bed. I doubt he can even see the half an inch of my head that’s peeking out from under my comforter. It takes too much energy to respond so I just moan. Considering I spend my days taking care of other people, I know I’m a miserable patient. I’m supposed to make people better, not get sick. I pull my blankets back far enough to be able to search for Sean’s eyes in the darkened room.

  “Baby, what’s wrong. Are you okay?”

  “I feel like hell, Sean. Dr. Morris said it’s strep throat.”

  “I’m sorry. What do you need? Did you eat anything yet?”

  “No. I just took my pills and drank some water. My throat hurts too bad to eat.” Sean pushes my hair out of my eyes and runs his fingers back and forth across my cheek. The gesture is so soothing it could lull me right to sleep. I struggle to keep my eyes open, remembering he’s trying to talk to me. “Sorry we can’t go out for dinner to celebrate.” I mumble. “I had big plans to take you to Conley’s for lobster.”

  “You hate lobster, babe.”

  “No, I hate the thought of them going into a boiling pot of water and dying. It’s so cruel. They parade them around in a tank so you can see them, making them feel important. Then they become dinner.”

  “Maybe we should go out for pasta instead. That way you don’t have to worry about anything dying, but that can wait. You need to rest and get better.”

  “You’re a good man.” Sean just chuckles at my random babbling about food and accepts his compliment.

  “Let me change, then I’ll come lay down with you. Do you want a popsicle or something for your throat?”

  “That’s sweet, but I’m fine. You can stay at your house though. I don’t want to get you sick. I’m still contagious.”

  “You’re crazy if you think I’m leaving you when you’re sick. Close your eyes. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He walks away before I have a chance to argue with him about our sleeping arrangements. He must have changed in warp speed because I’m still awake when he climbs into bed with me. Then again I’m hoped up on medication so I can’t be sure how much time actually has passed. He puts his arm around me and pauses.

  “Why do you feel like a marshmallow?” he asks.

  “I have a few layers on, couldn’t get warm.”

  “Normally I’d get you naked to warm you up, but my body heat will have to do for now. Come here. “He spoons me from behind and reaches for my hand.

  “What the hell?” He lifts the comforter up causing a draft as he sticks his head under the blankets to inspect me closer. “Are you wearing gloves to bed?”

  “No. They’re mittens.”

  “Do they even make mittens for adults?”

  “They do.”

  “Well, this is a first. Get s
ome rest little Eskimo.”

  For the first time all day, I smile. “Okay.” I close my eyes and think about my sexy man as I drift off to sleep. Maybe having him here was a good idea after all. I sleep so much better when he holds me.

  With the help of the antibiotics, by day three, I already feel ten times better. So much better that I can’t keep my hands to myself. Sean is hesitant because I should be resting but I can tell he’s as eager as I am for the physical contact. He leans in for a kiss but I push him away, slightly offending him. I’m probably not contagious anymore, but I’m not taking any chances. When I tell him that doesn’t mean we can’t be creative in other ways, he stops pouting quickly and pulls me close.

  We’re lying on a pile of fluffy pillows in the middle of my bed when my mind begins to wander. When I can’t get the thoughts running through my head to take a hike, I decide to get Sean’s perspective. I’ve learned it’s better to talk than keep my feelings to myself.

  “Sean?”

  “Yeah, babe?”

  “Do you think things happen for a reason?” I ask.

  “Yeah, I really do,” he says quickly letting me know he isn’t questioning this theory one bit.

  “I do too.”

  “What’s on your mind, Hallie?” He rolls onto his stomach so he can see my face.

  “Well. If everything happens for a reason, then why do some people seem to fly through life without a single blip in the radar while others have to go through really awful things that challenge them constantly? Do you think it’s a form of punishment or just reality?

  Sean sits up, resting his back against my cream colored tufted headboard. I love the shabby chic theme of my room. It’s cozy with a hit of tradition yet has a vintage flair.

  “That’s deep. Do you want my professional opinion or my personal one?”

  “Personal of course. I want to know what you think, not your textbooks. No offense.” I never realized the challenge Sean must have on a daily basis between his personal beliefs and what he’s been taught as a professional psychologist. There has to be a fine line he can’t cross in a clinical setting. Thankfully, my bedroom is anything but.

  “None taken, but I really don’t think anyone knows the honest truth to that question whether on a professional level or not. We have no way to track divine intervention or anything like that. Of course I can speculate, but I don’t have any inkling one way or the other as far as fate and destiny are concerned. Only the big man upstairs knows what we are in store for throughout our lifetime, so I usually just go with my gut.”

  “That makes sense,” I say, but it gets me thinking on an even deeper level. Sometimes I wish I could mute my own mind or send it on a vacation. “Do you think you would want to know what you’re in store for if you could, whether it’s good or bad?”

  “On a professional level it would make my job a hell of a lot easier if I knew exactly how to guide a patient, but on a personal level, I don’t think I’d want to know.”

  “Why?” I question. “Wouldn’t you want to make sure you have time to do everything you wanted, to see every place you dream of visiting, to make sure you never take a day for granted.”

  “No, babe. And you know why? Because I never want to stop living in the present. I’d miss out on moments like these with you if I was constantly fearing what was around the corner. Ignorance can be bliss no matter how in tune with the world you think you may be.”

  “You’re a deep guy, you know that. It’s very sexy.”

  “So you don’t only want me for my body, then?”

  “Well this body is a definite bonus,” I say as I climb on top of Sean placing his hands on my naked breasts. That was all the enticing he needed after our thought provoking conversation, only no words are needed to express what we have to say next.

  By day four I’m cleared to go back to work, no longer feeling like shit. I’ll miss my time spent lounging around, but look forward to seeing beyond the four walls of my bedroom again. I owe Sean a dinner that doesn’t include chicken noodle soup and crackers. He never complained once though, just happily dished it out and made sure I was okay. I secretly enjoyed letting him take care of me. It was a side of Sean I hadn’t seen yet, and it made me fall for him even more. Who knew getting sick would bring us closer as a couple?

  Just as I’m bent over reaching inside the dryer to retrieve my clothes, the back door opens behind me, sending me flying inside the machine as the door makes contact with my ass. The laundry room is literally right inside the door.

  “Ouch!”

  “Hallie! I didn’t know you were standing right there.” Alex pulls half of my body out of the dryer and we can’t help but laugh. “Are you okay, baby girl?”

  “Yeah. I’m good, but you can carry this basket upstairs for me if you want to make it up to me.”

  “After sending you flying, it’s the least I can do. So what’s up? I’ve been so crazy busy with this work expansion project, I feel like I’m missing everything.”

  “Will you have to travel again for the project? I’ve missed you.”

  “No! My part is finished. Now I just sit back and wait to see if my proposal gets accepted. If it does, the agency will end up being double the size and we can help twice as many kids.” Alex is my hero. His work as an adoption counselor makes me so proud. I’ve met some of the kids in his care and he amazes me with the bond he’s able to form with each one, no matter how rough the circumstances may be. They are so lucky to have him on staff.

  I reach up on my tip toes and kiss his cheek. “You’re amazing, Alex.”

  “So spill it, what’s been happening. How’s your man meat?” He pauses inside my bedroom. It does look like a bomb went off in here with all the time we’ve spent lounging around while I recuperate. “From the looks of it, you’re having some quality naked time.” He pulls a bra off the top of the lamp, closes a few drawers, and makes note of the disheveled bedding before dropping the basket and sitting down on the bed. “What the hell?”

  “Give me those and don’t say a word, Alex.” He hands me a pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs that he sat on. I didn’t realize they were still in the bed. I wasn’t exactly expecting company or I would have cleaned up my house. In my defense, I’ve been sick and groggy from the medicine.

  “Hallie Mae, you little vixen!” he says while doubled over in laughter.

  “Alex, please. It’s not that big of a deal. Please don’t tell Sean you saw them, okay?”

  “Sean? Oh, I think he’s well aware already, baby girl.” He’s still laughing at me. “Who had who locked up? Give me some backstory so I can fill in the blanks,” he says with excitement.

  “I don’t think Sean would want me sharing our sex life with you, Alex.”

  “Are you forgetting who you’re talking to, woman?” He reaches for me and tosses me on the bed dangling the handcuffs above my head. “Come on naughty girl, let me hear it.”

  I swat him playfully in the chest and laugh along with him. He knows I’ll tell him eventually. I always tell him everything. Before I get the story out, I hear someone clearing their throat from the doorway. “What are you two up to?”

  In a rush to get up, I push Alex off me and accidently knee him in the rib. “Sean! Sorry, Alex,” I say in both shock and regret for my sudden movement. Alex’s lying flat on his back groaning while holding his side.

  “She was about to tell me who was the cop and who was the robber before she assaulted me,” Alex says without moving an inch.

  “Says the guy who shoved me inside the damn dryer!”

  “I said I was sorry!”

  Realizing we are arguing like a couple of bratty kids, I focus on the sexual confessions that I’m being accused of. “I didn’t tell Alex anything, actually.”

  “No, baby? Why not? I thought you looked pretty hot handcuffed to the bed this morning.”

  My face heats immediately as Alex breaks out into another bout of laughter with Sean falling closely behind him. The two do a high f
ive and I throw my hands up in the air, realizing my two favorite men have once again ganged up on me. “You two suck!”

  “Well I do, but I don’t know about Sean.”

  Groaning, I leave the room pretending none of this ever happened.

  Much to my surprise, work is actually slow on my first day back until three in the afternoon when all hell decides to break loose. All my beds are filled and I may win the award for having the most annoying patient of the day. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s my job to take care of people, but some patient’s need to lose their button pushing privileges. The little call button attached to the bed is for when you need something, not because you’re watching trashy TV and want to ask me who I think the baby daddy is on Maury. Those chicks are the poster women for condoms. Wrap it or don’t tap it!

  Because all of that wasn’t fun enough, I then get called to the registration desk to pick up a delivery of the most beautiful flowers I’ve ever received. Granted I haven’t been given flowers more than a couple of times in my entire life, but these are worthy of a blue ribbon. There’s no card with them but I can’t imagine they would be from anyone other than Sean. Maybe this is his apology for embarrassing me in about the handcuffs. I carry the flowers to my station and type out a text to thank him.

  Hallie: So beautiful…thank you…I love them.

  Sean: What?

  Hallie: My flowers.

  Sean: I didn’t send you flowers.

  Hallie: Oh. There must’ve been a mix up then. Nevermind.

  Sean: Who sent you flowers?

  Hallie: I’m not sure yet.

  I drop my phone back in the drawer to my station so I can focus on my patients’. I spend the rest of my shift racking my brain trying to figure out who would have sent the flowers. Today isn’t any special date on the calendar and it’s definitely not my birthday. Maybe it was my parents sending them to cheer me up after I told them I was sick. I’ll get to the bottom of this; I just pray Sean isn’t flipping out right now wondering who is trying to step into his territory.