After the Pain Read online

  “You okay over there. Need any help?” he asks.

  “Nah. I got this.”

  “Give me your phone for a sec.” He takes my phone before I have a chance to hand it over.

  “Sure, take my phone. Thank you for waiting for me to give it to you,” I say with a roll of my eyes.

  “You’re feisty when you drink, woman.”

  “Your manners suck when you drink, Colby.”

  He fiddles around and hands my phone back to me. I hear his cell beep and watch as he pulls it out of his pocket. I assume that beep means he now has my number. This is going to get me into a lot of trouble.

  “By the way, I’ll get naked with you if he doesn’t want to.”

  “You saw that! That was a private message, Colby.” Sean lives right down the street from me so even if I did want to take Colby up on his offer, which I don’t, it wouldn’t go unnoticed. I close my eyes and rest my head against the window this time. The drive is slowly lulling me to sleep. I try hard to keep my eyes open but I don’t succeed.

  I’m not sure how long I dozed off for, but I wake up when I feel movement, only to realize I’m in someone’s arms being carried into a house. I look around and thankfully it’s my own. At least he kept his word about taking me home. I’m mentally slapping myself for being incredibly irresponsible and falling asleep in a vulnerable situation. I’ve never been this irresponsible before in my life. I guess there’s a first time for everything.

  “Sean?” I ask.

  “It’s still just Colby. I thought you said you weren’t with him?”

  “She’s mine, asshole. You can put her down now and get the hell out. I’ve got it from here.”

  “You must be the sorta, kinda, maybe boyfriend. Nice to meet you man, I’m Colby.” He sticks out his hand for Sean to shake but he ignores the gesture.

  “I heard you the first time. Why are you carrying Hallie out of a cab?” Sean asks.

  I need to squash this situation before it gets out of hand. This looks a hell of a lot worse than it actually is. “Sean, calm down. He’s my new friend.” I guess I can call him a friend considering we exchanged numbers and spent the last three hours talking. Nothing like some drunken bonding.

  “You two better not have gotten very friendly or I can promise you this won’t end well,” Sean sternly replies. If this were a cartoon, I’d be able to see the steam spouting from his ears.

  “Dude, I offered. She turned me down.” Colby doesn’t look the least bit worried or intimidated by Sean’s threat. He can’t really be that stupid.

  “Colby, you aren’t helping! It wasn’t like that at all and you know it.” I plead.

  “Okay, she’s right. But just for the record I definitely would have.” He kisses me on my cheek and I swear I hear Sean growl from the other side of the room where he’s busy cracking his knuckles in an attempt to control his temper.

  “If you want to keep all of your limbs, I suggest you get the hell out of here. I swear if you try any shit with her in the future you’ll have me to answer to. Leave. Her. Alone.”

  “I’m going. Later, tough guy. Talk to you soon, hot shot.”

  Colby either has a death wish or is too drunk and carefree to give a shit right now. I cover my face with my hands and flop down on the couch rather dramatically. “Colby wait!” I hop back up and run over to him to slip a twenty in his back pocket to cover some of my drinks for the night. I’d give him more but I don’t have any other cash on me. I hadn’t intended on having more than one drink tonight.

  “Hallie, I told you I don’t want your money. I’ll give you a screaming orgasm for free any day of the week.”

  “You still aren’t helping! Just take it and go, please.” I help usher him outside to the waiting cab and make my way to the kitchen to put my purse and keys on the table. I need some more water desperately. I still have no idea how things got so out of hand tonight. One minute I’m on the stage like any other Wednesday and the next I’m drunk and in a cab.

  Sean shuts the front door, locks it and hasn’t moved. “Did you just pay him?” he shouts from the foyer. Chancing a peek from the kitchen, I notice he looks nervous, confused and possibly even hurt. I feel like absolute shit as I walk over to him. “I did pay him. For my drinks.”

  “Hallie, we need to talk.”

  “I need to pee and take a shower.” It’s the only stall tactic I can think of. I quickly scurry into the bathroom and lock the door. I know he’ll still be waiting for me when I finish but I don’t know what to say to him. Instead, I stay in the shower until I feel the water start to get cold. With nothing else to do but climb out, I search for my towel. I realize all my bath towels are still in the wash basket sitting in my room. If I wasn’t such a chicken, I would have remembered to grab one out of my bedroom before I got in the shower. There are a few hand towels in the cabinet beside the sink I can use to dry off but they hardly cover anything and are more for decorative purposes. All those non-existent guests who use my personal bathroom have lovely towels, yet I’m standing here without one. I don’t miss the irony of this situation.

  As I’m dancing around trying not to freeze my ass off, I admit defeat and use the small towels anyway. I really don’t want to go into my room naked with an upset Sean waiting to give me the third degree. I open the door, peek out and see him sitting on the edge of the bed still appearing pissed off. He senses me watching him and looks up.

  “Can you bring me a towel out of the basket and some pajamas? I’m freezing.”

  “Are you naked right now?”

  “Yes, hurry up!”

  He closes his eyes, pauses and reaches for a towel. He takes his grand time bringing me my things and when he finally gets to me, he pushes the door all the way open. I have no place to hide and can only cover up a small sliver of my body with my measly hand towel. I feel exposed, vulnerable and horny. The alcohol is still coursing through my veins making me feel buzzed. All my nerve endings are on high alert the second his body comes within a few inches of my own. I reach out for my clothes but he pulls them away from me, not letting me have them.

  “Sean. That’s not funny. I’m cold.”

  “Why did you need a shower so fast? Did he touch you, Hallie? Please tell me you didn’t sleep with him tonight.” His eyes appear almost manic and his breathing is still rapid.

  “You’re being serious right now? Of course I didn’t have sex with him. I’m not a whore Sean, in case you forgot in the couple hours I was gone. Is that why you asked if I paid him?” I can’t believe he could even suggest something so stupid. The Sean I know isn’t this irrational. For God’s sake he was trained as a therapist to be a rational thinker! He should know better than to jump to conclusions, but I won’t hold it against him considering my behavior is very unlike me tonight. I have never picked up a random dude at a bar, gotten drunk and left with him.

  “Hallie, no. I know you aren’t a whore. I wouldn’t want to be with you if you were that kind of person. I’m jealous, okay. You aren’t his. You’re mine even if you need more time to figure things out - he can’t have you.”

  Sean feeling territorial with his need to claim me is my fault. I’ve left the guy so confused with my back and forth desires. It hasn’t been fair to either of us to be in this state of limbo with our relationship. I don’t ever want another night like tonight where he doubts my loyalty or desire to be with him. I need to fix this before I make him any crazier. He’s spent months by my side as nothing more than my friend when we both know we should be more. I know I’ve been hesitant but the more I think about it, it was more about appearances than anything. I need to stop worrying so much about what other people will think of me and just make him mine. I only get one life, so I need to make each day count.

  “Then it’s a good thing I don’t want him,” I whisper. I take a deep cleansing breathe and ask one more time, “Can I please have my clothes so we can finish this conversation?” He hands them over and I quickly put them on my chilled body. Sean’
s seen me naked before, but it’s been a long time since we’ve been intimate together. Other than the night we had sex for all the wrong reasons, we haven’t done anything else. He’s stayed over at my place several times but always as friends, nothing more. I quickly brush my teeth catching a glimpse of my mascara stained eyes and rush back to my bedroom where he’s waiting for me. I attempt to remove some more of my make-up, allowing a few more seconds of silence to pass between us. “Are you staying tonight?” I quietly ask. The tension in the room is thick.

  “That depends. Are you ready to talk or are you going to keep stalling?”

  “I’m ready.” There’s no use delaying the inevitable. I’m going to have to tell him more about Colby, but I don’t think I can reveal my secret about open-mic night just yet. The chances of him running into Colby again are slim to none considering I doubt I’ll ever see him again. It’s not like he’s a regular at the bar or anything. My secret should be safe for a while longer. No use adding to the drama I already have going on.

  I brush my damp hair and climb into my cozy bed. Sean takes his jeans and shirt off laying them on the dresser. He doesn’t hesitate to crawl into my bed with me, pulling me close, as I wrap my arm around his chest and rest my head on his pec. For two people who aren’t official, we definitely have the routine down pat. Taking a deep breath I decide to lay it all on the line. “Sean, I like you a lot. You know that right?”

  “Yeah. I do. Why does this sound like you’re about to let me down gently?”

  Apparently I suck at serious conversations. “Okay, let me try this again. Sean, I care about you a lot. You’ve been my best friend and rock since the night Ryan passed away.” Just saying those words makes my heart start to race. I take another cleansing breath before continuing. “Sean, I owe you the world for how patient you’ve been with me - for the way you take care of me without even being asked. You’ve let me take my time to get my shit together so that when a day like today came along, I’d be able to move on. Hang on a sec.” I toss back the covers, climb over him and dig in the bedside table drawer. I hear him grunt and I quickly apologize for my poor knee placement. I’m on a roll tonight.

  I feel him grab my arm, halting my digging around in the drawer. “We aren’t having sex again until we talk, Hallie.”

  “I’m not looking for a condom, wise ass. There it is!” I sit back up, still straddling his hips. I open the packaging and quickly put my treasure behind my back so he doesn’t see. I climb off his body and get on my knees next to him so I can look into his eyes. He needs to know I mean every single word I’m about to say. “Sean, like I’ve said, you’ve been my best friend for months and months, but I want to make it official. Will you please do me the honor of letting me call you my boyfriend? Will you be with me and only me, from now on? I want to go to bed with you at night and wake up with you in the morning. When I have a bad day, I want you to be the one to hold me. When you’re grumpy, I promise to make you smile.” I take his right ring finger and slide on a cherry ring pop as far as it will go given the teeny tiny plastic band. “I give you this promise ring today letting you know that I am one hundred percent yours for as long as you’ll have me.”

  All of that sounded like marriage vows, which is the effect I was going for with whole goofy ring theme. Sean stares at his candy ring and then looks into my eyes. He knows about my candy obsession, and how I don’t like to share. It’s a very big deal that I just gave him my favorite treat.

  “I don’t know which I should be more concerned about, the fact that you keep ring pops in the same drawer as your condoms or why you picked tonight to ask me this, but I’ve waited so long for this moment I don’t really care. Hallie, you’ve been my girl since the first day we met. I’ve just had to be patient and wait for you to want the same thing.” He lifts his head up and brings his lips to meet mine. This feels like a first kiss all over again as goose bumps break out over every inch of my chilled skin. After he’s done kissing the shit out of me, he continues, “Hallie, I promise to treat you like my princess and give you the world. Don’t ever doubt my feelings for you, okay? I’ll probably act like an ass again sometime soon, I’m just giving you fair warning.”

  “I’m no picnic either, Sean. But I think I’m immune to your level of assholery by now.” Still straddling him, I lean down and place a heated kiss on his lips. His hands immediately move to cup my ass causing me to groan. Before we get too carried away, we both break apart. I’d love to take this farther but I’m not sure our conversation is over quite yet. I need to make sure he’s over everything that went down tonight. Before I have a chance to ask, he interrupts my thought process with a question of his own.

  “Assholery?”

  “Yeah. It’s a word. Don’t question me already, buddy.”

  “Just kiss me again, woman.”

  “I intend to do a lot more than that.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yeah,” I say as I admire his ring and take a lick of the sweet candy I can’t resist. “And you know, maybe someday this will be a real ring.” Oh hell, I can’t believe I just said that out loud. If he runs for the hills I wouldn’t blame him. He doesn’t answer me right away. His eyes are searching mine and I can’t get a read on what he’s thinking at all. I see the moment he goes from anxious back to happy again and I’m relieved to see he’s back in the present moment.

  “You can’t give me two rings. If there ever is another, it’s coming from me.”

  I smile as his words bring me butterflies like I’ve never experienced before. They must be the size of bats from the way my body feels hearing him say those words. My head floats back down out of the clouds as I remember my mantra, live in the present, take one day at a time. “Thank you for waiting for me.”

  “I’d wait forever for you, Hallie, but thank you for putting me out of my misery.”

  DAWN COMES ALL TOO SOON as my throbbing head is at war with the light peeking through the bedroom curtains. Sean and I spend most of the night talking in between getting reacquainted with each other’s bodies. I don’t know what got into the both of us, but once we decided to give this thing a real shot, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. The first time we were together all those months ago, I called him the wrong name. We have since replaced that memory with a night of hot love making - exactly what the doctor ordered.

  I’m able to look beyond the pain of this headache right now thanks to the memories of last night floating around in my brain. I just hope it was all real and not my mind playing tricks on me.

  “Ouch!”

  “What hurts?” Sean asks.

  I reach over and pinch him in his side.

  “Ouch! What was that for?”

  “Just checking.” I smile and lean over to kiss him, morning breath be damned.

  “Checking for what?”

  “Making sure last night was real. That we’re really doing this. I know I drank too much and I would have gone crazy if it was all a dream,” I confess. I’m slightly embarrassed by my childish behavior. I’ve resorted to pinching like a toddler to get a grip on reality, and to a therapist nonetheless. He could have a field day with this one.

  “Oh, I’m real all right. I have the ring to prove it,” he teases.

  I blush thinking about the things he did with his cherry ring pop. “I know. I’m still sticky. I really need a shower.” We both laugh as he wraps his arms around my body, lifting me up so I’m lying on top of his warm skin. His morning wood greets my stomach making me suck in a breath. “My whole body is sore,” I groan.

  “Want me to kiss it and make it better?”

  “Yes,” I breathily reply. I’m already turned on from his words despite my raging headache and having just woken up. I love the way he sets my whole body on fire with one simple sentence.

  Sean pulls my chest down just far enough for him to suck on one of my nipples. I immediately groan with pleasure and rub myself against his length. I’ve never felt my body crave touch like I do with hi
m. As soon as his hands are on me, I know I want more. He releases me from his mouth with a pop and works on the other side. His hands reach down between my legs causing me to shudder.

  “You still taste like cherries,” he says in between nibbles. The memories of what we did last night flash through my over-sensitized brain and I know I have to have him right now. “Please, Sean. I need more.” He rolls me onto my back and works his magical mouth lower and lower until I have to tense my entire body to stop myself from screaming. I only last another minute or two before I have to pull him back up my body and catch my breath.

  “How do you do that to me so quickly?” I question as I come down from my intense high.

  “Well, I use my mouth and then I stick my tongue-” I smack him before he can take his play by play any farther. He laughs in response and kisses my lips softly.

  “You feel better now, babe?” he asks.

  “Mmmhmm. But I don’t think I’m done with you yet. I just need a minute.”

  His head is resting on my chest and his stubble is tickling me as I inhale and exhale. I could stay in this exact spot all day. The only thing stopping me is my need to continue what he started. I reach down and put him exactly where I want him.

  “Are you sure about this, Hallie?”

  “You’re asking me that now? After last night?” I ask honestly confused. We’ve already had sex several times. It’s old news at this point.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “No, I don’t think I do. What are you saying?” I ask again.

  “I just want you to be sure. We don’t have to make this all about the physical. I just want you to know I’m with you for more than that,” he sincerely says while piercing my heart with his baby blues.

  I blink my eyes a few times, amazed by his sweet words that make me feel very cherished. I know we’re a new couple, but our connection has been building for a long time. It’s clear to see how much he’s cared for me while I’ve been trying to figure out how soon is too soon to take our relationship to the next level. I honestly think we’ve been ready for this for a while and thanks to his pillow talk confessions, I’m absolutely certain I want much more than just sex with him.