I'll Make You Mine Read online

  I’ve tried to explain my relationship with Dylan a million times. It doesn’t matter how innocent it is; she still doesn’t believe it’s possible for a guy and a girl to be friends without having sex. However, we’re the exception. Other than innocent hand holding and dancing, we’ve never crossed the line. I’m glad, because if that were to happen, it could ruin our friendship. I’d lose the one person who matters, and I can’t risk that. “Are you almost done?”

  “Yes, just one more thing.”

  While she browses at the end of the aisle, I glance at the shelves. A few times I crane my neck to figure out what I’m looking at.

  “That’s a cock ring,” she announces loudly.

  I check to see if anyone heard her, but we’re the only fools in this place on a Friday morning. “Thanks.”

  From there, we stumble upon a penis pileup in aisle ten. From purple to pink to black, they have every color of the rainbow. Keely has to push every single button, smiling as she holds a purple sparkly vibrator in the air. “This one would rock your world, Zo. You should get it.”

  She’s well aware I’ve never had sex. I may be one of the few twenty-one-year-old virgins on campus, but other than Dylan, there’s never been a guy in my life. I’ve never had time to date. I’m too busy mapping out my future, preparing for a degree in pre-med. I’m so close to graduating college, and I’m preparing for grad school. School makes my world go round, it gives me a purpose—something I’ve never found in another human being.

  “What about this one?” she says with a smile. “I’ll buy it for you. It’s a good place to start your sexual adventures.”

  “I’m good, but thanks anyway, Keely.”

  She pouts and sets the vibrator back on the shelf without a fight. I should have known that was the easy part. “Zoe, I’ve been thinking,” she says.

  “Can we check out before you lay it on me?”

  Shaking her head, she says, “No, because you’ll try to walk home or get out of the car. For once, I want you to listen—to hear me.”

  “I’m listening. The whole store is listening.”

  “We’re the only ones in here, Zo.”

  “This place is making me itch.”

  For fun, she makes me hold her slutty wear and smiles when I squirm. “You’re a senior in college. Think about that—all the guys you have at your disposal. But you haven’t given a single one a shot, and I know for a fact a couple guys have shown interest.”

  “Nobody’s ever asked me out, Keely.” Not that I’ve given anyone a chance. Unless I’m paired with a guy for a project, I keep to myself or spend my free time with Dylan. It’s easier that way. I’m not good with people like my sister is. She’s never awkward, and she never has to be someone she’s not. She just is.

  “Nobody’s asked you out because you brush them off before they have a chance. Yes, this is college, and this is where we’re supposed to learn our craft that will keep us from being unemployed, just like Dad has told us a million times. College is also a once in a lifetime experience. A period of time you’ll never get to do over again—and you’ve missed out on nearly all the parties, all the guys, and most of the fun.”

  I watch Jeopardy at seven every night. On Mondays I go to the study session in the library for my advanced calculus class. Wednesdays I spend tutoring when needed. I get around campus, just not any frat houses or shady basements. “I’ve had fun.”

  “Bullshit. You study until your nerdy meter is full enough and then you go to bed. Face it, you’re boring, Zoe. And you have to stop worrying about pleasing Dad. He’ll be okay with you going out as long as you keep your grades up. Look at me, I live it up and he never says a word.”

  He never says a word because he’s too busy to notice. Ever since Mom died, he’s put his energy into his practice. Someday he expects me to take over and follow in his footsteps. If I get distracted, that’ll put his plans in jeopardy. He’s already lost too much to let that happen.

  “So what?” I tell her. “Maybe my dream job means more than getting drunk and making out.”

  “But you’re missing the point. Drunkenness and making out are a rite of passage. My grades might never be as good as yours, but where you have book smarts, I have street smarts. They’re both valuable—and someday when you’re walking around in that drab lab coat like Dad, you’ll be sorry you didn’t take more chances when you could.”

  “My life is going well. Why fix what isn’t broken?”

  “Zoe, on paper it has, but I figured you’d disagree with me. That’s why I’ve put a foolproof plan in place.”

  Here we go.

  This is how it always starts. One of her brilliant ideas at my expense. “Your plans always end up with me embarrassing myself. I love you, Keely, but I’m not interested.”

  “This one’s different. It won’t end up with you on a roof, underdressed, or throwing up. I’ve apologized for all those things.”

  Apologies don’t erase them from my memory. I’m a perfectionist and perfectionists don’t like to screw up. But I’m also a glutton for punishment, and I need to find out this plan of hers. “How’s this plan different from the others?”

  Her eyes light up when I give her a chance. “Unless you can find him on your own, which I’ll give you a little time to do, I have someone for you to date.”

  “You’ve lost your mind. There’s not a single person you socialize with that I’d be interested in—no offense.”

  “None taken,” she says as she holds up her hand. “Let me clarify, Zo. I’m not looking for the guy you’ll marry. I’m searching for the one who will toss you around in bed and break your heart.”

  I’ve never come close to love. Not yet anyway. When I do find someone, I don’t want to play games. I want to give him my heart and pray he takes care of it. “Why on earth would you want someone to break my heart? I’ve never even been in love before.”

  “Because you’ll have a blast making memories and when the guy comes along, it’ll be that much better. It’ll be perfect.”

  “Perfection doesn’t exist. I’m much more comfortable with reasonable flaws.”

  She wraps her arm around my shoulders and eases me down the aisle toward the cash register. “What’s the saying? You have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince?”

  “I don’t have time to be a slut, Keely. My schedule is killer. You know that.” Distractions lead to problems. And problems lead to destruction. I’m not about to throw away my success just because my sister sees my life playing out differently.

  “Zoe, next year you’ll still be here because you picked the one profession that makes you stay in school most of your life. But I won’t be here. For the first time in our lives, we won’t be living in the same town.”

  I’ve spent a lot of time wondering what it’ll be like without my sister. It’s really scary. Too scary. She drives me nuts most of the time, but she’s always been close. When I need her, she’s a couple blocks away, willing to pull me out of my funk.

  “You’ll make an awesome teacher, Keely. You’ll be able to spot the kids who are struggling better than any teacher in the school. And you’ll find another cool apartment and make it your own. You don’t need me. I always weigh you down with my practicality.”

  Once she’s home doing her own thing, it’ll just be me and my thoughts. Lists that pile up when I can’t make a decision. And then there’s Mom.

  “There was never any doubt that I’ll be awesome, I’m just saying you need to rethink this dream plan of yours. It’s not as ideal as you think. Maybe a husband and kids isn’t so glamorous now, but deep down, you’re a family person. You want what Mom and Dad had,” she says with tears glistening in her eyes. It’s been almost five years, but it still seems like yesterday.

  I’d like to have a family—even a couple kids. It’s the whole process of dating that weirds me out. The only guy I’m comfortable with is Dylan—and we do none of the things that would create a family. “So if I agree to try dating,
or at least go out with a guy one time, you’ll back off and let me do my thing? Because I’m not against getting married someday. I have to graduate from med school first. That’s all.”

  “Zo, I’m encouraging you to pay attention to guys so life doesn’t pass you by. Look at Dad, he spends all his time in his office or the hospital. The only human interaction he gets these days involves surgery. That’ll be you if you’re not careful. So yes, I want you to meet boys and cross lines. Live a little while you can.”

  I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I’d do just about anything for my sister. Plus, I see how lonely Dad is without Mom. I don’t want to spend my entire life wondering what could have been. “I’ll try,” I tell her. “School has to remain a priority.”

  “Thank you, Zo. You may think I don’t care, but I do. I worry about you a lot.” She dumps her items of seduction on the conveyor belt and wraps her arms around me. “Make a solid effort. Starting with purchasing one item from this store.”

  I’m standing next to a rack of condoms, so I grab the first box I see and hold it up. “Ribbed for her pleasure. Will that work?”

  I’ve beat her at her own game, and she nods. “They’ll do.”

  The drive back to the dorms is quieter than I expected. But once Keely pulls in front of my residence hall, she’s quick to shove the bag of condoms in my hands. “Can’t forget those. I’m so excited for your quest.”

  “I’m not,” I grumble as I climb out of the car with my condoms shielded against my body. I’d die if anyone saw what I have in my hands.

  As I trudge up each step, I think about the outfit Keely bought for her sexcapades with Dylan. She can’t expect me to act like that—that’s not who I am.

  Halfway down the hall, I spot Dylan leaning against my door. Like always, he gives me one of his lopsided smiles that does stupid things to my insides. He looks a little hurt when he spots the bag in my hand. “I would have driven you to the store, Zoe. It’s too cold for you to be walking.”

  Cringing, I unlock the door as fast as I can. I can’t have this conversation, let alone any conversation, while holding a box of condoms. It’s wrong on so many levels.

  Only it doesn’t get any easier once I stash the bag in my closet. All I can think about is him having sex with my sister. That’s enough to make my chest ache. “I can’t hang out right now. I have to take a shower.”

  Dylan stuffs his phone in his pocket and narrows his eyes. “Why are you acting weird?”

  I run through a couple lies in my head that he’d believe without question, but I don’t lie to Dylan—ever. He’s the one person in my life I care about, and I’m not going to let Keely’s opinions about my life ruin it. “It’s nothing.”

  “Zo, whatever it is, you can tell me.” When I hesitate, he lifts my chin with his thumb. “Since when don’t we tell each other everything?”

  I suck at keeping secrets, so before I lose the nerve, I let it out. “Keely wants to have sex with you and couldn’t figure out what’s holding you back. She took me to the adult store on Poplar Street. I’m scarred for life now that I saw everything she bought for the two of you, but those are the facts. She’ll kill me for ruining her surprise, so can you keep this between the two of us? Please.”

  Dylan listens as I ramble, but his reaction isn’t what I was expecting. Instead of laughing at the way sex makes me cringe, all I get is a barely noticeable nod.

  “Dylan?”

  He drops his hand to his side and takes a step back. “Yeah, sorry. You caught me off guard.”

  “I’m not offended if you want to leave. Sex with Keely is way more appealing than talking with me.” But deep down, I still want him to pick his best friend over his girlfriend.

  Dylan distracts himself with the candy dish on my desk, rooting around for a yellow gummy bear, because they’re my least favorite. “I need to leave, but it has nothing to do with Keely.” Still not making eye contact, he pops two gummy bears in his mouth and says, “I’ll see you after class, okay?”

  “Okay.” But is it okay? I’m not okay with what they might do. Not at all. “Dylan.”

  He glances over his shoulder, meeting my eyes. “Yeah?”

  Dylan doesn’t look like a guy who’s about to get his world rocked. He looks like a guy with a lot on his mind. “Does Keely make you happy?”

  “You make me happy, Zoe.”

  Dylan

  “Dylan, wait!” Keely yells as I leave my last class.

  I should have known better than to handle this here. If I were smart, I would have waited until we were alone so when she handed me my ass, a hundred other people wouldn’t be eyeing us. But I couldn’t let this go another second.

  “Not here, Keely,” I tell her with a frustrated sigh.

  She latches onto my arm, digging her nails into the fabric of my hoodie. “What happened?” she asks. “Nobody’s ever done this before.”

  I believe it because Keely’s a magician. She lures you in, gets you where she wants you, and then attacks. Only I’m not ready for the assault—at least not with her.

  In her trembling hand is the note I wrote her because I was too chickenshit to look into her familiar eyes, eyes that are so similar to Zoe’s, and tell her the truth. Some would call me a coward, but it wouldn’t be true. I’m just confused.

  Josh was right, I care about Keely, but I dated her for all the wrong reasons. Reasons that have everything to do with her sister.

  Plain and simple, I wanted to make Zoe jealous so she would see me as more than her reliable best friend. The guy who listens to her ramble about school because that’s what makes her happy. The guy who walks her to and from class and drives her around so she doesn’t have to walk. I’d do anything for that girl, but she doesn’t seem to notice that I’m interested. And I don’t know how to cross the line from friendship to boyfriend without losing her.

  I played with fire and I’m about to get burned. “Keely, I thought I could do this,” I tell her. “But I can’t give you what you need. There’s better out there. A guy who will spoil you and love you the way you deserve.”

  Dumbfounded, she stares at me, sputtering before she finds her words. “But you’re a good guy, Dylan. When you asked me out, I said yes because you were the safe bet. I needed something easy for a change,” she admits with glossy tears in her eyes.

  I hate she only chose me because I’m safe. She should choose a guy because she’s so into him, she can’t imagine life without him. Not because she’s tired of failed relationships with guys who don’t treat her right.

  “Not every guy is a challenge, Keely. When you’re with the right one, it’ll be easy.”

  “And I’m not the right girl for you. That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?” She tucks a piece of her long hair behind her ear, taking interest in the grass underneath her boot. Nervous Keely isn’t someone I see often. For a second, I see Zoe and I almost tell Keely I changed my mind. But then I remember it’s just because they’re twins. On the inside, they’re nothing alike.

  “Yes,” I tell her. “We’re not right for each other. That doesn’t mean you’re not perfect for someone else. I’m sorry, Keely.”

  “Does this sudden change of heart involve my sister?”

  For a minute, I worry she’s figured me out, but then I’m reminded of the shopping trip this morning. “I was waiting outside Zoe’s room when you dropped her off. Your plans were safe, but I coaxed them out of her.”

  I’d never want Zoe to take the blame for this. Not when I had ulterior motives from the beginning.

  “And she just had to ruin it for me. God forbid she let me have something I want.”

  After finding out what Keely had planned, I couldn’t go through with this sham of a relationship. For the first time in my life, I’m not the good guy, the safe bet, and that doesn’t sit well. I don’t play games for attention, and I don’t screw with girls’ hearts.

  It was wrong to assume Zoe would get so jealous that she’d ask me to stop seein
g Keely. It was also wrong to pretend I cared about Keely when I can’t stop thinking about Zoe.

  “This isn’t Zoe’s fault,” I tell her. “I’ve been feeling this way for a little while. This was my decision.”

  I wait for Keely to yell at me like I deserve, but the tears shining in her eyes disappear.

  She’s taking it well, but Keely has a flair for the dramatics. Where Zoe hides her emotions, Keely lets it fly.

  And then it hits me.

  “You were ready to break up, weren’t you?”

  She shrugs, her once shaky hands now steady. “It’s okay, Dylan. I get it. You wanted to try with me because you needed someone safe to test the waters with. To make sure you’re one hundred percent sure.”

  “What the hell do you mean by that?”

  “I mean, it’s okay if you’re gay. You’ve always been picky, and now it makes sense.”

  She can’t be serious. “Why does breaking up automatically make me gay?”

  Like it’s as simple as two plus two, she takes my hand and says, “Because you haven’t made a move sexually. You broke up with me as soon as you found out I was about to dress up and rock your world. Face it, being with me terrifies you.”

  Stunned stupid, I can’t come up with a single thing to say that’ll convince her I’m not the least bit attracted to men. Not responding is the worst thing I can do, though, because she mistakes my silence as an omission of guilt.

  She strokes her thumb back and forth along my cheekbone. “I’m flattered you chose me, and I won’t tell Zoe. You should though. She’ll support you.”

  Before I can say a word, she turns and walks away with her head held high. It’s the outcome I wanted, but I wasn’t expecting her to assume I was batting for the other team.

  Gay? There’s not a chance in hell of that. Not when I’ve been in love with my best friend since freshman year of high school.

  I’ve had Zoe on a pedestal from the day our paths crossed. Since then, nobody has come close to making me feel the way she does.

  “Shit,” she muttered from the equipment closet as she tried to untangle herself from the volleyball netting. We’d had a bunch of different student managers since I had started playing, but Zoe was never one of them. I would have noticed her pretty face the second she walked into the gym.